Dear Red States
We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we’re taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss. We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two -thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our resources in Bush’s Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b***ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
Author Unknown
April 22nd, 2006 at 3:35 pm
I’d rather have a CIVIL WAR!!!!!! As long as the Damn Yankees are on your side, you’ll kick tory red state ASS ALL DAY!!!!!
Long live The Green Mountain Boys, and the rest of the “rabble” that SMASHED TYRANNY!!
One Man with Conviction, IS A MAJORITY!!
Andrew Jackson, founder democrat party and MAJOR NUTCRACKER! It is not for NO reason he’s on the $20.
April 22nd, 2006 at 3:47 pm
Can we keep Utah…for the snow and all?
April 22nd, 2006 at 4:36 pm
Jonah wasn’t swallowed by a whale; he was swallowed by a “great fish.”
April 23rd, 2006 at 1:42 am
I’m in favor of forming a nation of my own….A politically independent, neutral “green-state” republic.
Not conservative. Not liberal.
That way, I could steer clear of this red state-blue state culture war, and remain a neutral, long-haired, non-partisan, fence-sitting, rock-n-roll rebel.
And since I feel that the Far-Right, is trying to thrust the nation back to the Dark Ages of the Inquisition,
with their primative, narrow-minded, stuck-up mind-sets, I feel it’s time for a nice little peaceful revolution to counter their oppressive agenda, by not conforming to the extreme conservative idiology and (religious) dogma, and even design a new flag, symbolizing independence and neutrality.
Something like a green, white, and blue flag, with a coat-of-arms, or stars in the upper blue field, flanked on a flield of alternating seven white and six green stripes.
Maybe add the words “Don’t Tread On Me” in there, for good measure. ;)
April 23rd, 2006 at 8:51 am
Cliff, Utah is a red state and shows all signs of remaining so.
When you packing up? g
April 23rd, 2006 at 9:32 am
I’m intrigued by this idea of this so-called “red state-blue state culture war”. I hear about it in the context of political reporting, but I don’t see it in my daily life.
Even here in Utah, for the most part, there is a great deal of tolerance. Statistics on gay issues for instance are not that far off from blue states. It’s just that the some fringe right-wing legislators float radical legislation knowing the media will lick it up like lap dogs and it becomes artificially exagerated.
April 23rd, 2006 at 11:13 am
True…….But every once in a while, I get called a hippie, because I wear my long, mop-top hairdo, and play late 60’s rock-n-roll.
But I don’t care what all those bigoted rednecks think or say about me……I’m gonna be ME, and not conform to their ways of life or Right-Wing idiology.
And it’s quite true that we have a few narrow-minded Right-Wing politicians and their supporters that try to ram their beliefs down our throats, as well continuing with this abortion flap, which is nothing more than old news that goes back to the primative 20th Century, and a non-issue in the 21st Century, when we have more important things to focus on in the year 2006 A.D., and beyond.
Real issues, such as jobs and the economy, along protecting Earth’s eco-system, especially when it comes to global warming, and excessively high energy costs, as well as the difficult struggles against terrorism.
Overall, I only conform to the powers of unconventional thinking, and not to a group of “holier-than-though” zealots of the Far-Right.
I think it would be great if this nation could shift back to the neutral middle-ground, and away from the oppressive extreme Far-Right.
Alot of issues would be resolved, and I think we would have a better chance in overcoming terrorism, plus have good-paying jobs for everybody, as well as having a stable eco-system for humankind and wildlife, and people would be accepted for who they are as talented human beings, regardless of race, color, creed, lifestyle, etc.
But as I read and watch the news, I think it’s sad that these Right-Wing extremists are trying to thrust the nation back to the dark days of lynch-mobs, and other types of oppression. I think it’s time for all, who truly believe in freedom(and individual liberty), to rise up, to liberate the United States Of America from this “oppressive bondage”. Not with guns or WMD’s, but with peaceful means, such as playing rock-n-roll and reggae, or other music styles that do not conform with the ultra-conservative idiology, as well as designing and flying different flags, including the famous “Don’t Tread On Me” designs, defying the ways of the Far Right, and other extremist factions.
This is what I’m doing, here in Montana. If the extreme Far Right and its supporters continue to have its way with their idiological arrogance and egos, we may run the risk of losing our liberties altogether. It’s time to restore balance in the United States(and the planet Earth, as a whole), and come together as a nation, and it makes no difference on where we come from…Whether we’re native-born, or born in another country, or even on another planet in some distant galaxy, billions of light years away!
It’s time to dispense with these “Go-Back-To-Where-You-Came-From” attitudes, and recognize the planet Earth as a nation of many nations!
April 23rd, 2006 at 11:18 am
You may only want to take Multnomah County in Oregon and King county in Washington, even though they turn up blue, and these two states are more progressive than others, they are in fact Red States. For example in Oregon in 2002, the current Gov. won his seat only winning three of the 33 counties. In 2004 the Gov. seat went to the Rep. candidate the first two of the three recounts. In the last recount, King county (home of Seattle) found thousands of new ballots weeks after election day, and was able to argue them into the third and last recount. Which for some reason was just enough for the D to win the seat. Since they have found a couple thousand cases of duplicate votes by one person in King county, and somehow the recently deceased manage to cast a vote on their way to the cementary, unless they were just out for a stroll.
April 23rd, 2006 at 1:54 pm
What goes around, apparently, comes around, too!
April 23rd, 2006 at 9:49 pm
It just goest to showyou, both parties are equally corrupt, just depends who hold the power is the one that is the most corrupt.
April 24th, 2006 at 7:50 am
With all due respect TKL, I find your use of he words “equally corrupt” an interesting choice.
Are you somehow responsible for the corruption?
Are you suggesting we should not investigate Republican or Democrats, that we should somehow equivocate down to a mutally agreed upon level of group punishment? Or just let Delay, Libby, Abramoff, Rove, Cheney, and Bush go without judicial review and just give a hall pass to the next Democrat that breaks the law?
Do you really think an demorat could get away with any of the kinds of crime the executive staff is looking at?
Why so defensive?
April 24th, 2006 at 8:01 am
I agree. To keep matters somewhat current, a comparison between eight years of Clinton and almost 6 years of Bush is no comparison at all. Bush wins hands-down for being the most corrupt (or at the very best, turning a blind eye toward the corruption). The Decider has made some very, very bad decisions during his term in office, and it is scary to think of the decisions that are yet to come.
April 24th, 2006 at 9:29 am
????? Paula????? Somehow you took a statement that wasn’t about defense and made me defensive. I really am impressed by how quickly you readers are to assume someone that doesn’t agree with you is upset, defensive or whatever else. The funny thing is you are wrong.
Gerrymandering is a result of corruption of power, hense the name is from Gerry Mander, who so badly drew out lines. It is a fact, those who hold power, do what they can to maintain it. Point out to me one politician who didn’t change the rules to their favor while they hold power. Whether its campaign finance laws, precinct and district boundaries, voter fraud. Oregon for example has one of the most corrupt voter systems in the country. No they don’t use Diebold machines. Based on investigations by various Newspapers around the country, i.e. LA Times around 2000, the mail in ballot system is extremely corrupt. Which was created and implemented by the Oregon Democrat Party. To this day I can’t understand how they have 550 registered voters out on Government Island. Now for those of you that don’t know, this is an island in the Columbia river that sits between Oregon and Washington, more specificlly Portland and Vancouver. The only thing that touches this island is the support structure for the freeway to pass over the river. The only way on to this island is by boat. There are no homes on the land, it is owned by the federal govt, hense the name Governement Island. So these voters manage to vote for Democrat incumbents, but vote no on conservative issues. Interesting.
As far as where your post is going, I have to say you lost me. From what I was talking about and linking it to where you went is a stretch, or you just didn’t read the post and through your two cents down on the table.
Nephi, you really need to not be so blind with Clinton, Clinton did just as much as what you have accussed Bush, except you weren’t listening then were you. Clinton is by no means clean. When you lay Bush and Clinton direction and agenda side by side, accomplishments and bungles. You wouldn’t be able to tell the two apart.
Heck even your hero M. Moore wrote in his book a whole chapter about how Clinton was the most conservative president ever. Don’t believe me go back and read it for yourself. I was actually impressed that he even touched on the subject, however, he did get that part right.
April 24th, 2006 at 9:54 am
I have to agree with TKL on this point: both parties are equally corrupt. Paula: that’s not to say that we should give one party or the other a hall pass. What we ought to do is throw them BOTH out.
April 24th, 2006 at 12:32 pm
TKL, How can you possibly suggest that comparing Clinton and Bush - or their accomplishments and bungles - is a tossup? On occasion, I feel that we (you and I) are not that far apart in out political leanings, nothwithstanding the colorful rhetoric coming from us both, and without which blogging would be little fun. But when you drop a bombshell like this, I am left to ponder just the opposite. Bush’s administration has reached a point of disgust and disappointment for so many people, no one appears even surprised anymore when less than flattering news hits the airwaves (did you see 60 Minutes last pm?). Clinton may have pissed off alot of folks - me included - with the Monica lie, but what else did his administration do or not do that even approaches the disaster that has become known as the “Decider”?
April 24th, 2006 at 3:36 pm
I am not talking about the Monica issue. Frankly, I felt relieved that he had some form of stress relaxation going on. The fact that Republicans tried to trap him in a lie under oath was a farse. A sitting President can’t not be placed on trial, therefore if he “lied” under oath, it was relevant. He shouldn’t have been there in the first place. So… Monica aside, I am talking about his other problems, and bungles. He had bungled more than one military operation which cost american soldiers their lives. He did nothing of real signaficance after the Bombing on the towers, he did little with the embassy bombings, and did even less with the USS Cole. Which really pissed me off, there was no excues to stand by while our Naval ships are targeted. Not too mention the Federal screw up with Waco, TX. There are a lot more, many of which I have mentioned before this post.
Clinton wasn’t that great.
April 24th, 2006 at 5:16 pm
TKL - Your comparison is a direct contradiction of your premise. Clinton MAY have bungled some things and a few US soldiers got killed (portecting innocents) and maybe he didn’t do ENUF after the USS Cole and the embassy bombings (and maybe not)? Big deal.
I’ll take that any day over the biggest disaster that has ever occupied the White House.
April 24th, 2006 at 7:27 pm
TKL, here’s a little exercise you can perform quickly.
Google “Clinton accomplishments” and then Google “Bush accomplishments.” You need not read the information, just scan the titles of the various pages, and I think you will understand my point.
And by the by, what would you have suggested Clinton do following the Cole, or the other incidents you mention? Invade Iraq? We all know where that would have got us! Just tell us, what would you have had Clinton do, or what would you yourself have done?
April 24th, 2006 at 9:55 pm
Actually US troop deaths are above where they are under bush. Check with data records provided by VFW, VA, and the Pentagon. If you are that lame to just google accomplishments then you are truly an idiot. Since Bush is more recent, and liberals have been bitching a whole lot more, you going to run into more negative bush propaganda and bs. nice try nephi
April 25th, 2006 at 9:02 am
Idiot? Back to your old ad hominem tricks, there, TKL? Sorry to have ruined your day with the google suggestion - but it is what it is and, apparently, you don’t like what it is!
April 25th, 2006 at 9:49 am
I was not/am not a big fan of Clinton — he had the potential to do much good and failed to do it. You won’t ever hear me singing Clinton’s praises. That said, I believe that the planet would be so much better off if Clinton were in office instead of Bush now. Bush has assaulted everything I value almost on a daily basis: peace, the environment (and by extension my health), the well being of my fellow human beings, my freedom, control of my body, my children’s future.
I read a list of Bush’s “accomplishments” in office in the book, “Stupid White Men” which was written in 2001 — I was appalled at the volume of horrible legislation initiated of passed by this administration, and that was only a few months into his first term. I shudder to think how much work and time it will take to undo the damage that he’s done, if it can be undone.
I guess you could say I’m anti-Bush. Is it bashing to criticize him? Maybe, but it is well deserved.
April 25th, 2006 at 9:54 am
Active duty deaths during Clinton’s first four years (1993 - 1996): 4302
Active duty deaths during Bush’s first four years (2001 - 2004): 5187
Total under Clinton: 7500. To be accurate, when you look through the deaths of Military personal, you must deduct accidents and other non-combat related deaths. To come to 4302 I deducted those numbers and did the same for the 5187. Under Clinton there were also a record number of non-combat casualties in the military, this is compared to any other “peace time” in history.
As of March 2006 we’ve had 139 active duty casualties. In Clintons fifth year there was 817 or aprrox. 68 a month. So 139/3 = 46 casualties a month in 2006.
Now under Clinton, we didn’t liberate two countries. Despite what you say about Afghanistan, the Taliban was harboring terrorist training camps, and they were oppressing people. Specifically Woman. Woman weren’t allowed under Taliban Rule to be educated and to work in society. When the new government was formed, little girls went back to school, instead of being educated in secrecy, and woman went back to their professions from before Taliban rule, Doctors, Teachers, merchants, etc. Personally, as a Vet, I would put my life on the line to bring that kind of freedom to someone. Since WWII the US has been on the world stage promoting freedoms, and part of your oath to service is to protect those who can’t protect themselves. This is an excellent case for that.
Nephi, you shouldn’t play to your own ego like that, you can’t ruin my day.
April 25th, 2006 at 5:11 pm
TKL. You post raises my curiosity. Any chance you can supply us with a source for the information you present? Thanks. GF
April 25th, 2006 at 10:58 pm
Since Cliff doesn’t like reading assignments, and I can’t upload the PDF file, you will need to go to various sites to A, get the initial numbers, then to verify them. So the best place to start is with the dod (dot) gov, the next place would be with the VA. The best source and the fasted way, to get to the break down going year by year, and much farther back than 1992 is Department of Defense’s Manpower Data Center.
April 25th, 2006 at 11:17 pm
I don’t doubt your numbers TLK, but I am bothered by your need to be right albeit on a minor point that you use to equivocate combat deaths out of context. (but if you send me the links, I will post them in your comment. cliff(at oneutah.org)
Should we also compare American deaths and injuries with Murders in Detroit over some period of time?
I imaging under Clinton, there were 100,00 automobile deaths.
Do you support equal rights for homosexual men, women? Its a really easy question.
April 25th, 2006 at 11:43 pm
This was response to Graduate’s request for source. And intially a response to Nephi from earlier. So do you want to compare notes on crime? I am sure there is neutral data out there we can both agree on, however, there is a fasinating study by an Economist.
This study related to the drop in crime rate to the abortion rate. His idea was, did crime rate fall becasue, young woman had a choice? Since they were allowed to have an abortion, they were able to go onto school or aquire job skills that led to better incomes, getting married to a stable other, and removing themselves from low income high crime areas.
Whereas young woman that decided to keep the child, stayed in these areas and stayed in the cycle of living there, with crime and poverty.
It is very fasicinating, if I come across it, I will post the link to it. The trick is remember the economist name.
April 26th, 2006 at 7:16 am
To Author Unknown,
If you are going to be fair, might as well give California back to Mexico, I am sure they miss it.
April 26th, 2006 at 7:54 am
INT, if we’re going to go that far, we might as well give the whole country back to the indigenous people we stole it from and all go back to Europe or wherever our ancestors came from.
April 26th, 2006 at 12:31 pm
Now we are talking, I agree Jenni. Of course all of these politicians wont have job anymore. I know, we can give them jobs digging sand out of a desert somewhere.