To Mark and All Gay LDS Folks
But mostly for Mark to spoke to us here.
Mark,
I appreciate and value your thoughtfulness and honesty.
I am struck by your comment “Not wanting such thoughts (same sex attraction) and destructive behavior to control your life is a valid choiceâ€.
When you say “destructive behavior,†are you talking about having a relationship with another man in a healthy “out†relationship in a non-judgmental community and family that accepts homosexuality as normal and healthy, or are you talking about having a relationship with another man in a moment of uncontrollable lust under a should of secrecy, and shame?
I’m guessing you’ve not yet gotten permission to come out. I’m sorry about that,
I don’t know. I’m not gay. But when my gay friends talk about their relationships, they sound just like me and my non-gay friends talking about lover’s quarrels, hurt feelings, control issues, jealousy, frustration, insecurity and all the usual, and unfortunately predictable problems in every relationship.
I know some gay couples whose relationships stand out as “good one’sâ€, in the realm of “rare†in fact, within the status quo.
Turns out, love is love. Allowed to flourish, it is a powerful good for everyone in its wake. I guess that’s why Jesus spoke so much about love and nothing but passing notice of “gaiety.â€
Happily, the gay advocacy groups have really begun to create a space for straight allies as if catching up to the fact of the majority-and-always-growing gay-OK world.
Something like 90% of Americans under the age of 29 are cool with homosexuality. Virtually everyone I know LDS and not, are fine with their gay co-workers, family, and friends.
If you are still living in a world where the gay lifestyle is considered destructive, you must leave, come out, and go back. If they love you now, they will still love you.
July 21st, 2006 at 11:48 pm
How nice of you to point that out Cliff. Our 15 year same-sex relationship is still great, boring by some measure, and thoroughly unqualified for Jerry Springer.
Your post inspired me to get out more. Great piece of writing!
July 22nd, 2006 at 8:30 am
Yes, Cliff, very great piece of writing. Mark, I hope you read this and realize that if you can’t be who you are it doesn’t matter who you are. Whether you are gay, unhappy in a relationship, or even in a religion you don’t believe, if it’s not who you really are, it doesn’t matter. Understand that hormones made you gay, you didn’t. Realize you don’t have to conform just to get and give love, you can be who you are and be loved. You need to have an open mind and truly understand who you are and allow you to be. Love yourself.
July 22nd, 2006 at 1:42 pm
Cliff,
Excellent shared prospective. Thank You. Additionally, I think there are challenges for everyone in accepting that the foundation of gay relationships can be based on love. Keith Haring’s poster of an individual “kicking open the closet door†has been and will continue to be a great motivator to encourage GLBT individuals to come out. But we can’t stop there. Sometimes, not always, we announce that we are GLBT, and then we fade away. Yes, often because we are told to stay away, but sometimes our own “homophobia†prevents us from sharing more about our lives. We have to also stand at our doorways and invite people into our homes. So that they can see that we have more than just a bedroom in our homes. That in our kitchens, family rooms, and living rooms our lives are very similar to their lives.
Mark, I feel your pain. But having gone through the process I can tell you this. Alone with nobody but yourself to think about this very important aspect of your life, look in the mirror and ask yourself this question. “Am I being completely honest with myself?†For me the answer provided the courage to face the truth. Because if I can’t be honest with myself, how will I ever have a meaningful life? Even today, some twenty years later, it still provides a foundation that gives me the courage and fortitude to tackle anything.