One Utah

This article from The Witness succinctly states the core of the Mark Foley scandal. Money quote:

. . . Foley lived in the closet. When it profited him, he cooperated with his party’s exploitation of cultural homophobia to gain power. And now Foley finds himself to be expendable to his party; he profited from their strategy of scapegoating queers, and apparently not realizing how that strategy would make him the perfect fall guy for party strategists to blame once his behavior came to light.

Like Ted Haggard, Foley was useful until he wasn’t - then he was tossed aside without a second thought; in Haggard’s case, the right will continue to use him if he lets them “fix” his sexual orientation.

The key quote from today’s Tribune on this topic:

That’s the fallacy social conservatives miss. In a culture that allows gay people room to be gay people, there is no need of lies. In a culture that does not - i.e., theirs - lies are rampant. And that’s unfortunate, not simply for the person in question, but for all the people in his or her life.

Ted Haggard and Mark Foley traded honesty for power, influence, prestige, wealth. Both men got caught and their lies held up for the world to see. Both men were victims and perpetrators in communities in which acceptance required dishonesty. Lying became second nature to them because it was required. Honesty meant destruction and lying meant another day of safety. The perpetrator and victim were one in the same. The blame is sufficient in quantity to go around - these men engaged in illegal, immoralt acts but the community in which they lived expected their dishonesty and preferred it and certainly that community shares the blame. Both men imploded, their lives certainly shaken to the foundation, if not completely ruined. I have empathy for them, but not sympathy.

By contrast, Neil Patrick Harris came out, got some news coverage, end of story. Most people I know responded by saying, “Well duh!” and went back to their daily lives. Ted Haggard and Mark Foley are punch lines. Neil Patrick Harris will go on with his life and career.

A person doesn’t come out, a famliy comes out. Parents must acknowledge their gay children - and face the too often explicitly asked question “What did you do wrong?” Siblings must come out - acknowledge their brother or sister’s orientation and face the possible loss of friends, uncomfortable, even rude questions. Society shames gay man and lesbian woman - and it shames their families. It asks, “What is wrong with you?” If sexual orientation is the result of bad parenting, then the entire family is suspect when a child is gay. It’s almost easier to cut a child or sibling out of one’s life - to make them the sole carrier of the burden shame - to retain one’s standing in the community than it is to face the questions. The child becomes ungrateful of the good parenting they received and the parents become blameless. The price of bigotry is too high.

When I was about 11 or 12, a neighbor’s son came out to his family. His father and brothers beat the holy living shit out of him and threw him out of the house. The tragically predictable coda came when I was in college. The gay son returned home to die from AIDS. The price of bigotry is too high, the victims of bigotry too many. I think I may have met my neighbor’s son. Once. I don’t remember him as a person. His story, however, continues to haunt me. I have never felt even a moment of sympathy for his parents. Their loss strikes me as trivial and self-inflicted. If they suffer, it is because of their own bigotry.

Here in Utah, our conservative majority doesn’t even seem to know the fallacy exists. I know too many gay men in Utah who have gone through Hell because of the Mormon church’s teachings on sexualty to be nice about it. I have heard one too many stories about gay teens being thrown out of their homes and left to live on the street to care about the niceties. Anti-gay bigotry is a cancer on our society. The price is paid in many ways by many people - Mark Foley and the pages he preyed on, Ted Haggard and his family and his church, my neighbor, people I know, friends at church. At what point will the price become so high that our conservative neighbors finally change?

This entry was posted Monday, November 13th, 2006 at 4:41 pm and is filed under Bigotry, Bigotry, Conservative Sell-Outs, Homophobia, Human Rights, Religion, Religious Fundamentalism, Society, This Blog. Both comments and pings are currently closed.