Glenden BrownTorn, ruined, underutilized, destroyed
Something of a theme this week (and it’s only Tuesday). Today’s Tribune published this op-ed today about the price paid by individuals and society for intolerance of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered persons. I was struck by two passages in particular:
The root of the problem is in our denial that gays and lesbians are as worthy and unworthy, as flawed and gifted, as heterosexuals. The root belief that homosexuals are “less than” the rest of us stretches long and deep in this society.
and
They, and our society at large, miss out on the fullness of life that is tragically denied to so many because the rest of us don’t want to deal fairly and fully with such a difficult and embarrassing subject. Families are torn apart, careers ruined, gifts and graces underutilized, and lives destroyed. Thus the anguish that gays and lesbians suffer affects us all.
The folks at NCCJ conduct diversity and awareness workshops in which they discuss the 8 primary forms of prejudice - ageism, faithism, appearanceism, sexism, heterosexism, classism, ableism, and racism. These workshop - Camp Anytown, Camp Every Town, Mini Town - empower participants to see prejudice as a system of thought and behavior based on the idea that some people are less than other people. There’s a profound statement in Norman O. Brown’s Love’s Body: The opposite of patriarchy is not matriarchy, it is fraternity. The opposite of heterosexism is not homophile attitudes, it is equality for people of all sexual orientations.
One of the most evocative phrases I’ve heard in a while is “the soft bigotry of low expectations.” This bigotry expects gay men to have fleeting, one night stands rather than form the stable, long term relationships we expect of heterosexuals. I believe if marriage is good for straight couples, it is good for gay couples. If long term, committed, stable relationships are a moral good to be sought, then they are good for all couples, not just straight ones.
When we offer our gay children role models of healthy, stable same sex couples and say, in both word and deed, “You can achieve this and we expect you to behave in ways which are consistent with self worth, responsiblity, sexual and emotional health,” then our society will see the regular formation of healthy, stable gay couples. We will all be better off.
November 16th, 2006 at 10:38 am
G, YW; When we offer our gay children role models of healthy, stable same sex couples and say, in both word and deed…
Glendon, so you have the ability to define children as gay or straight BEFORE they actually have a sex life? How do you do this? It seems a purely subjective calculus to me if the children you are describing are “virgins”. When do you personally make this determination? How do you do it? Do the virgins tell you they are gay?
This is what I refer to as the sexualizing of children before their time, which the only people qualified to do this, are concerned loving parents.
I think you should rephrase your statement to say, “when we show our children…”
To assume they are gay when they have never had sex, or from limited sexual experiences is presumptious.
Many of the gays I know have had sex with partners other than their apparent “orientations”, until they figured it out. I have also known commited gay males to quit, marry women, and have families. Lesbians too. Some people have sex with everyone for the duration of their lives.
So I simply question your method of determining this in children.
November 17th, 2006 at 4:11 pm
Cassandra - Sexual orientation and sexual activity are not the same thing. A person doesn’t stop being heterosexual if they stop having sex. A gay man doesn’t become straight by having sex with women. It’s a fallacy that a person must have sex before they can know their sexual orientation. A person’s sexual orientation is determined by the persons to whom they are attracted and with whom they wish to form emotional, intimate and sexual realtionships. If someone is consistently attracted to members of their own gender, even if they have not or never act upon that attraction, it’s a safe bet they’re gay.
We are sexual beings from birth to death - and our sexuality is not simply engaging in sex or being physically mature enough to engage in sex. Gender, gender identity, sexual orientation are all aspects of our sexual selves.
Given the heterosexism and homophobia that many glbt persons confront on a daily basis, many attempt to live as straight for years before finally acknowledging their sexual orientation and living honestly.
November 18th, 2006 at 11:25 am
My question was how do you know? You are assuming the vagaries of the human mind in determining what one is to become. It is why I have generally decided that sexuality is a choice, you are not born one way or another. You chose it.
A gay man when he has sex with women Glendon, is known as BI. He certainly isn’t all gay.
For my own demented purposes, what is the orientation of a celibate priest/priestess, or any celibate for that matter?
I could be drawn to homosexual sex as a whim, but it isn’t my “orientation, so I agree with that premise.” Some may decide they do the sex for some acceptance(women?), to fill a need, until they presented with what their true desire(a more suitable man?)is, like gays finally coming out of the closet, no one keeps them there but themselves, they do it to preserve a material world they know they likely couldn’t possess if their true nature was known. Constant struggle. They want the life they have without the consequence of possible social alterations in their reality.
In my own life I am a het male that certainly doesn’t fill the social obligations of that assumed role. Many het males are persecuted all day for this, the whole world is filled with unmet expectation. Nobody is special.
Ex: It is lot like when clinton claimed he didn’t have sex with monica, he did so to preserve the image he had of himself, he lied to do so, which in my mind makes him terribly unstable, and not fit to rule as well.
As a practical matter Glendon, until you have sex, you are either asexual, or a masterbator. You subjectively deciding what a childs orientation is(if you do that, I know cliff does) or “helping” make that decision is a bit offensive, and slightly egocentric. Life is full of surprises.