Draft of Bush’s Next Speech LEAKED!

h/t Firedoglake

Good afternoon. As you all know, I held important meetings last December to talk about the situation in Iraq. I went on a listening tour to hear what different areas of government had to say about my legacy the establishment of democracy in Iraq. We had productive discussions about how I’ll blame the Democrats our shared duty to forge a bipartisan approach to succeed in the Middle East. I even worked during myGeorge W. Bush - Liar Christmas vacation to make sure that we had a plan for a strategy to succeed in Iraq. [pause here for laughs]

The American people need to understand that the Iraqi people want us to succeed, and that a successful Iraq means that we’re safer here in the United States. Iraq is in a vital region of the world and the security of the American people depend on victory in Iraq. And we’ve gotten off to a good start with seen the Iraqis make their own way with the execution of the man who tried to kill my dad killed his own people, Saddam Hussein.

I asked the generals on the ground for advice and I ignored listened to what they had to say. I met with Prime Minister Tony Blair and one of Iraq’s most influential Shia leaders, His Eminence Abdul Casey al Kasem Aziz al Hakim. I met with the Iraq Study Group chaired by former family friend Secretary of State James Baker and former Congressman Lee Grant Hamilton and read their book. I dog-eared the pages where I could twist their words [laughs]. I seriously considered their recommendations and I appreciate all their hard work and bipartisanship.

I heard from nearly everyone the Democrat leadership that I need to consider ways to draw down our troops because otherwise the Iraqis will hide behind our skirts have no impetus to stand up. It was real interesting, what they said. I wdon’t agree with this perspective. I believe that we need to increase our presents presence in the region, because, in one of my favorite the leading statements of the Iraq Study Group’s report, they write that leaving would “almost certainly produce greater sectarian violence” and lead to “a significant power vacuum, greater human suffering, regional destabilization, and a threat to the global economy.” See, the withdrawal of troops would also expose our energy resources to terrorists and sectarians. It’s very important to my friends our national economy that we have no disruptions in the flow of oil and not be held hostage by foreign oil companies terrorists.

Generals Abizaid and Casey disagreed with my idea of a troop surge and told me that our military is stretched to the breaking point. That we don’t have enough ready reserves to call up for any kind of sustained presence in Iraq. Both General Abizaid and General Casey did a heckuva job in Iraq, but after we talked, I told them they were fired if they didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear they announced their retirements. As you know they have been replaced by two fabulous guys, Admiral William Fallon, whose experience in the Pacific will provide a new and novel approach to the position of head of U.S. forces in the Middle East, and Army Lieutenant General David Petraeus, who has done such a great job training Iraqi security forces, will be the top American general in Iraq.

Both Admiral Fallon and General Petraeus said the right words think that increasing troop numbers is, in the long term, the solution to calming the sectarian violence. Therefore, I am calling for a surge of at least 20,000 troops over the next several months to protect our interests the people in Iraq and the Middle East region. In addition, I’ll be asking Congress for $1 billion to provide jobs for Dick Cheney Halliburton the Iraqi people to better involve them in the growth of their country.

Thank you, and now I’ll take questions.

4 Responses to “Draft of Bush’s Next Speech LEAKED!”

  1. Richard Warnick Says:

    First question, from Helen Thomas: “Are you still the President, and if so, why?”

    Actually, Bush won’t take questions.

  2. cavaet Says:

    Those deletions in context are really funny.

    P.S. The ‘diehard ??% bush supporters, those 12 (+1 - Leiberman D) senators, and the top 400 admin hawks, ought to be able to ’surge’ the pants off the remaining terrists over in the ME. Then it’s only a matter of waiting for a few half-lives of DU to pass, before we can git our oil back. The big plus here is that we will no longer have that crew to kick around anymore, (assuming the plan fails), and we’ll have to come up with more creative ways to spend our time.

    Helen Thomas rocks. Was he ever the President, and if so, Why?

  3. ldsnomore Says:

    What’s with the hole in Bushie’s neck? If it’s a blowhole, shouldn’t it be on the top of his head? Maybe someone is trying to suck out his brains….and can’t find them.

  4. BFEVEEA Says:

    3. Tony Blair is a Christian so any war he starts is automatically just4. The United Nations is irrelevant and wrong, especially when they disagree with Christians like George and Tony5. We don