One Utah

By Troy Williams

“Post-gay” is the new queer. And like it or not, a new generation is giving the terms “gay” and “lesbian” an ontological reboot. Post-gay is the forward concept that sexual orientation no longer comprises the totality of identity. Sexuality is now rapidly evolving as an integrated aspect of our larger selves. This category offers interesting potential for our social liberation and may help us finally confront the dark possibility that a gay identity might actually be detrimental to our mental and emotional wellbeing. Yes, you read me right. I’m suggesting that a singular gay identity may actually be contributing to a deep psychological alienation. Please hear me out.

As a Mormon growing up in Oregon I always felt like a freakish outsider. Mormons are universally weird. As an adult I traded my temple recommend for my gay ID and once again found myself numbered with another strange (though extraordinary) group of queer outsiders. All my life I’ve defiantly identified with the margins. My personal ontology has been built on exclusion. And not surprisingly, in my life I’ve experienced a profound sense of separation, depression, and estrangement. Coincidence?

Humans are hardwired to make meaningful connections. When this basic need is disrupted we often self-destruct. Many queers confront suicide, depression, alcoholism, drug or sex addiction. Many of us struggle to maintain healthy romantic partnerships. We are working through a lot of pain. And so, with the best of intentions, we organize gay “pride” to cover our public shame and to tell ourselves that we really are, in fact, okay. But sometimes pride and gay positive messaging doesn’t address the source of our anxiety.

Our emotional well-being depends on a healthy connection to family, friends, lovers and nature. And yet we live in a culture that distorts and circumvents genuine bonding. I blame an overexposure to advertising, TV, social intolerance and patriarchal religion. But whatever. We try and make do. We construct narratives and build alliances. We identify with any group that will take us in and love us for who we think we are. But sometimes we still feel crazy.

Buddhist philosophy suggests that suffering comes from living in the illusion of separation. Ok. So what then is the illusion?

We have become fixated on a “single-self identity”, or what mythologist John Lash refers to as the “exclusional identity that disallows a more fluid, playful sense of self. We become so committed to our egoic identities that it becomes difficult to identify with something greater. Buddhism teaches the importance of “egolessness”, which Pema Chodron describes as “a state of mind that has complete confidence in the sacredness of the world. Our preoccupation with ego hinders our awareness and connectivity to other aspects of our lives. And our obsession with a “gay” identity may keep us from recognizing that we actually hold multiple selves. We have gender, class, political, religious, national and ethnic identities, as well as career titles — all of which shape who we are.

But they are at best, social constructs. They’re not real. We fortify our ego with conceptual holograms. French theorist, Jean Baudrillard details how everything has become a lifeless simulacrum of a non-existent reality. What he calls our “messianic incantation of the virtual. We desperately shop and consume in a narcissistic attempt to prop up and maintain the illusion of our precariously insecure holographic identity. But something inside keeps screaming - this isn’t how it should be. Our soul craves authentic meaningful connection.

Now this may sound like so much post-modern masturbabble, but any of you who have tripped on magic mushrooms or experienced a blissful state of no-mind while meditating know there are other realities and possibilities. Remember that intense rush of ecstatic joy the first time you peaked on ecstasy? Your ego took a backseat and for the first time your essence felt plugged into Everything. All artifice was exposed and every inhibition vanished into a total immersion of wholeness. That is, until you came down.

Is it possible to soften the ego and loosen up our identity in a manner that doesn’t require being cracked-out? Can we truly let go and tap into a deeper cosmic-centered reality? After all, the iron that flows through our blood was formed from the scattered stardust that escaped that great galactic explosion. We are the result of an indomitable life force that continues to evolve. Throughout billions of years we emerged from sub-atomic particles to multi-cellular organisms to self-aware humans. What a fantastic leap. We did that! Futurist Barbara Marx Hubbard believes that our evolution is incomplete. She predicts the emergence of a Universal Human that will have the capacity to co-evolve with nature and cosmos. “Put yourself into that 14 billion year story, Hubbard told me, “so that if you get depressed or discouraged, you can go within to that source of creation and realize that it’s evolving as You know. Hubbard believes we must shift from the egoic self to our deeper essence in order to jumpstart the next level of social evolution.

And herein lies the potential in healing our individual isolation. We hide in identity but our star-born bodies are connected to the life force of the Universe. That’s our immutable essence. It’s impossible to feel lonely when you are plugged into something that gigantic.

Being gay is fantastic. It is one of my favorite personal characteristics. But I also realize that an excessive focus on any one aspect of our multiple selves fragments the psyche and reinforces the illusion of separation. “Post-gay” encourages the balanced integration of all our multiple identities. “Metaqueer” moves us beyond our current fixation with identity politics and toward a profound engagement with our allies in common justice. Ultimately our psychological and emotional well-being depends on nurturing an authentic connection to each other, the environment and the Universe. This should be our goal. I was born a white male Mormon American who later developed homosexual desires and a post-gay worldview. My emerging identity is now a cosmo-global citizen participating within a living planetary ecology. From here I am fluid. I feel connected and sane. And though ancient, we experience all things new. It’s very cool.

Troy blogs at www.queergnosis.com

This entry was posted Thursday, November 1st, 2007 at 5:24 pm and is filed under Evolution, Queer, Zeitgeist. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.