Ze NRA, Our Men on ze Point, ze Minute Men
Author’s Note: I’m about to go on a much-needed July 24th holiday (no cheering from the fascist fan club, please). But I didn’t want to disappear without an appropriate parting gift. So here it is. Lass’t ’s schmecken
The Right has a double-barreled shotgun up its ass. In chamber one is anger over out-of-control immigration. Chris Cannon can now fart in stereo thanks to this one. In chamber two is gun rights, for it appears that right-wing ejaculation over the recent Supreme Court ruling was premature. Whether the NRA’s capacity to blow wind will also now be doubled remains to be seen. Or heard, as the case may be.
It will scandalize my lefty friends to learn that I actually agree with the fascists about the right to carry heat (”if guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns,” Ed Abbey’s syllogism whose subtler meaning is not lost on Dick Cheney). I personally don’t carry any, and have no plans to until such time as we run out of oil. ’til that happy day, I will continue to hope that the ball point is mightier than the bullet.
But, in the spirit of friendship, I have two suggestions for my comrades on the right flank. Sieg Heil! (Please to excuse zis unkontrolled jerk of ze arm. It is eine alte war vound).
My first suggestion is actually borrowed from Abbey, whose solution to the immigration problem from down below was “to stop them at the border, give them a 30-30, and send them home to solve problems in the traditional manner.”
My second is that the NRA provide the guns. Let the political arm of our great citizens’ militia solve the immigration problem as only fascists can. Author’s aside: Has anyone else noticed that NRA and IRA not only rhyme but differ by only one letter?
For no extra charge, I make a third suggestion. Why limit the NRA’s involvement to providing just the iron? Let’s give them a chance to get in on the blood as well. NRA-Sturmtruppen could be deputized to watch the border in lieu of the obviously incompetent Border Patrol. Let’s let our fabled suburban marksmen, whose exploits we read about each year in the Darwin Awards and in the local papers during the great deer hunt, be our minutemen on the border. In exchange for letting them zip around at taxpayer expense on state of the art ATVs, shooting legally and freely at anything that moves (how much more entertaining for all if this also meant other Sturmtruppen), we ask them only to sign a waiver of ATV access on all other BLM and National Forest land. Vat happens on ze border stays on ze border, und zen ze men kommen home to zer vives und children und live happily und peacefully ever after.
Greens and brown shirts working together, we thus fix not only immigration but also our wilderness problem.
If this unique solution finds a receptive audience, I’m willing to examine the GOP’s other proctological problems.
July 23rd, 2008 at 5:52 pm
“My first suggestion is actually borrowed from Abbey, whose solution to the immigration problem from down below was “to stop them at the border, give them a 30-30, and send them home to solve problems in the traditional manner.”
First make them pick up garbage until the value of that effort equals a .30-.30, then send them home…Freedom isn’t free.
Then they can take care of the pickle faced white Castillian racists that run their country, and are rat fucking the Mestizos and the Indians to the extent that they are willing to run to the Southwest to make a living. Place is a dump…, misery loves company I guess.
July 23rd, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Have you considered Ed that your characterizations of the German people in a deprecatory manner, is a blind spot of yours and completely bigoted?
If you are of German ancestry I guess you could claim right, the way the brothers claim the right to use the n word, while white folk can’t.
Either way, makes you look like an ass.
July 23rd, 2008 at 6:15 pm
…and if that is your intent, be sure it is working.
July 24th, 2008 at 10:18 am
The premise of your post is a myth, Ed.
The Second Amendment is not about Right vs. Left. It’s about the rights of an individual. The NRA isn’t just Republicans. There are quite a few Democrats, too (Bill Richardson for instance). HOWEVER, the national Democratic Party has decided to make Gun Control a plank in their party platform.
Further, oppposition to illegal immigration isn’t a Right vs. Left issue either. Take a look at the positions of the national organized labor groups. Consider that Congress (controlled by Democrats) approved the Wall and also deep-sixed an immigration reform bill that McCain and President Bush supported.
Usually your posts are pretty well reasoned. I’m a bit suprised at this one. I’ll just assume that you woke up a little grumpy and disoriented…..eh?
July 24th, 2008 at 10:36 am
jd:
So, are you willing to take your comment one step further and state that the right to choose is not about left v. right, but is about the right of an individual?
Or how about gay marriage? Left v. right or, perhaps, an equal rights issue?
And as far as deep-sixing the immigration reform bill, I understood that most democrats actually agreed with Bush/McCain on the subject. Am I wrong?
And one step further, if, as you suggest, those in “control” of Congress are the ultimate ones to blame for all things occurring under their watch, then your gun-slinging repug friends are to blame for the Iraq war; after all, it was they who controlled Congress circa 2003, correct?
Ah, go on back to bed, jd, you comments appear a little grumpy and disoriented today.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Right to choose what, Albert? Abortion? Yes. It’s the right of an individual.
Same with gay marriage (though, to me it’s more of a State out of the business of religiously sanctifying marriage - instead they should only be able to approve a civil union. Let the various Churches define the religious institution of marriage)
Regarding immigration reform, if most Democrats agreed with the bill, then why didn’t it pass? Dems have a majority in both houses and the President wasn’t about to veto it. So, you must be wrong.
Finally, I don’t “blame” anyone for the Iraq war. I agreed with it then and agree with it now.
My comments are entirely consistent, Albert, and were neither grumpy (actually quite polite given the nature of the original post) nor disoriented.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
JD Berger,
The following conclusion is violently wrong. You apparently are not familiar with rules and procedures.
Just thought you should know.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I good to see that you are giving details about how the dems aren’t in charge when it comes to immigration. Violently wrong? That is funny.
Everybody left and right wishes to grant shamesty, the reason it doesn’t happen, is that they well understand that if they attempt to implement it, the majority of Americans will go ballistic. Not during the election season, is the agreed complicity. Bush is only too happy to leave it to next guy.
They all like their jobs in short, as public opinion is completely against any amnesty or immigration law changes that benefits those that have broken our laws.
So you are both wrong jd and Cliff.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
jd says:
For someone who generally says intelligent things (albeit things not always agreeable to me), you sure blew this one, jd. Indeed, I was just reading over at my favorite neo-con blog - ksl.com - how it is the Dems fault for the oil crisis for not allowing drilling in the ANWR and along the coasts, against the wishes of repuglicans.
By your logic, jd, republicans and Bush were asleep at the helm, I guess, during the first several years of the admin when Bush had a republican controlled house and senate. You really need to think about that statement some more.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
W3:
The people that will go ballistic are those who already, or expect later to, feed at the trough of the American taxpayer. Do you know anyone like that?
July 24th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
To Who is Watching the Watcher
I have cast no aspersion on the German people as such., among whom I lived for two years and to whom I’m very attached. I think it’s pretty clear that my German bits were directed at a subspecies of German that worshipped power and did the goose step. This is also a subspecies of extreme American, heavily concentrated here within the Mormon pale, who have adopted the worst of Germany’s attributes as their religion. The American Right generally has some disquieting tendencies in this direction, as, for example, when Reichskanzler Georg W. Busch spies on ordinary Americans without warrant or when he makes preemptive war, killing tens if not hundreds of thousands, in order to give our oil companies some extra Lebensraum.
Lighten up, dude. I’ll even give you a prescription for lightening your holiday weekend: Watch Dr. Strangelove. Or, pull out some videos of Henry Kissinger. Both work for me.
JD, I’m not sure I can help you. But whatever your doctor prescribed for your disorder, get back on it!
July 24th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Glenn Hoefer (Who is Watching) has never forgiven his father for leaving Germany and coming to America and being distinctly non-Nazi.
Glenn would have been goose-stepping with the best of ‘em. My lord, he’d a put any Brown-shirt to shame.
You know sometimes when you meet a cop who has an authority complex…you know, a nobody in real life, but your boss and mine in uniform??? Now you know Glenn.
Even though he can’t speak German for shit, he thinks he owns everything German because he was born there. His parent abandoned him early on when his first words were Heil Hitler. Apparently, he would run around in his diapers giving people the Sig Heil high-five. His parent were so embarrassed, one day, they just walked away and left him and moved to the US.
Somehow Glenn got here at age 5. He was raised by David Duke’s older sister. Eventually, he found his parents and they ran. We think they left the country.
No one’s heard from them since. Glenn just moves from compound to compound eating out of dumpsters.
I regret to say he is using a used laptop I gave him thinking he would use it to complete his education, but like a good Nazi, he uses it to breed hate and prejudice.
July 24th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
Obama addresses 200,000 in Germany. John McCain address 2 dozen in a German restaurant in Ohio. Have a nice 24th of Youlee.
July 24th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
No time in modern American history has there been such a disparity between presidential candidates.
It SHOULD bother every Republican that Obama could fill a the largest stadium in the country with 24 hours notice, while McCain couldn’t fill a classroom.
The last event he did at General Motors was full of middle level managers who were forced to be there.
But its not about McCain. It about the Republican party. All the decent republicans have gone into hiding, because the FREAKiest Republicans (like Hatch, and some of the Southern boys) refuse to STFU.
Think about it. Their choices were McCain, Romney, and Huckleberry. Those aren’t choices about the greatest republicans America has to offer, it about the biggest egos in the party (that aren’t under investigation).
July 24th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
Cliff - I don’t know what you are talking about. I’m guessing that you’ve reverted to making goo-goo noises because you’re clueless and know that I know that you are - and if you make another asinine statement, you’ll get called out as an imbicile again.
Rock on, Dude.
Albert, one has nothing to do with each other.
But, yes, GHWB shouldn’t have set a moratorium on offshore drilling. ANWR should never have been “off limits”. That was a mistake. Blaming Democrats doesn’t absolve anyone of blame.
But, I try not to finger-point (too much). Better to fix the problem now, eh?
July 24th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
jd:
But that’s the heart of the matter, dude, drilling the ANWR will fix nothing, zippo, nadda!!!! Is that clear enough for you???
July 24th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
JD,
What is so hard about “It SHOULD bother every Republican that Obama could fill a the largest stadium in the country with 24 hours notice, while McCain couldn’t fill a classroom.”?
Does it not bother you that there is a very high possibility that 80-90% of republicans running this year will lose their seats?
The evidence is everywhere. Here’s a little one. 6 or 7 term Utah Congressman Chris Cannon lost his primary to some kids no one ever heard of.
Here’s a seat that is always considered solid, safe republican deep inside conservative Utah. And suddenly, it GONE!
…and that seat was NOT ON ANYBODY’S RADAR who is counting seats. How many others are there around the country.
I notice you are not sticking your neck out for Bush, which means you are not THAT stupid. I guess you figured out this is a permanent record and since Bush may well end-up swinging from a gallows, I’m guessing you’re keepin your mouth shut.
(You know, that kinda makes you yellow bellied, two-faced, chicken shit, doesn’t it?)
July 24th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Every little bit helps, Albert.
You don’t stop saving for that new cool whatever because your first installment in the savings is miniscule, do you? You contribute small amounts to what you hope will me a fat retirement nest egg, don’t you?
What’s clear is that you’re completely discounting what the oil market would look like if we obtained more of our supply from domestic sources. That could have been done 10 years ago and could have been pumping oil right now.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Cliff. Learn to read. Please.
We’ve already established that on some matters I support the administration, and on some I don’t. I’ve been very consistent, here and in other “permanent records”. I’m not hiding from anything.
We’ve also established that you’re a petty and vindictive effete elitist unable to do the simplest research who trades on the accomplishments of family members long deceased to give you credibility.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:38 pm
Nice parsing Ed, but it hardly washes, you are acting in a bigoted manner. It is typical of progressives to not know their ass from their elbow, just like in Dr.
BTW, you aren’t very funny Ed.
Funny that making fun of the ethnic peculiarities of Germans is about the only dog anyone can whip without anyone complaining. The blind spot. It is just plain bigoted.
Let us please remember that eugenics as a “science” is a wholly of American origin, begun by Davenport, and only adopted by others including Germans after it was promoted as valid here. So in fact, it is an American export, and part and parcel of the American experience in its own genocide of American Indians.
I paid you for my laptop by cleaning your house, and have used it to expose your own rather typical brand of fascism. Must drive you nuts that I have places to go all over the country.
I can speak German better than Ed
Funny Cliff, you are quite the liar. As is well known. Everyone knows Cliff. If you didn’t control the moderation, we could well use you as the mop head. C ‘mon cliff, you can do better than that, it is in fact a pretty accurate reflection of your own life, zionazi that you are.
July 24th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Albert, you are the lawyer, siphoning off gov’t created lawsuits, if what you say about Gitmo is true… you tell me who benefits from amnesty. Could be your buddy Cliff, who has utilized them in violation of Federal immigration law?
It is just par for the course Albert, for all the credentials, people have your number. Still like you, just figure it out. Don’t be a loser.
July 24th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
Cliff; Despite you having complete control over comments, you still give your opponent the upper hand, and they make you look the fool, even though you hold all the trumps.
Dude…you are one poor idiot. That would be ok if you had humility, but no doubt, your own ego will allow me, or anyone, to delve in, expose you, and then eat your lunch.
Me against you, with both hands tied behind my back…and partially gagged. You really are a chikenshit. Whatever I have said about you, can with a modicum of investigation be proven…easily. Keep it up.
July 24th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Yep, thats new Former Bush Lover language, “I support the administration, and on some I don’t.”
How convenient. I’d never met anyone who wasn’t 100% or nothing until about 6-8 months ago.
Just say it: “I voted for Bush both times.”
The recent mention of my grandparents was the first time, I believe, I have ever mentioned them publicly. You can search this blog for confirmation.
..and the only reason I mentioned them was to demonstrate some credibility and knowledge of southern racism when it became clear that Paul Mero had a rather narrow appreciation of Helms racism.
Just say it: “I voted for Bush both times.”
Tough boy
July 24th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Sexual dysfunction is a sad thing Cliff. It must be your blood pressure that softens the schtick. Keep smoking…it is the clue to where your troubles really lie.
You are a creature of your distorted emotions..gotta be rough. You are near 50, is there any time in future your ego might fade?
July 24th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Glenn (Who’s Watching…”),
While I will admit to taking some literary liberty in describing the actual events of your life, I remain hopeful that the same liberties might advantage the opportunity for you to GET A SENSE OF HUMOR MAN!
You are just waaaaaay tooooooo serious lately
I really don’t want to exploit your ‘condition’ in the course of entertaining myself or, as it were, per my giant ego, so I must point out for the record that I am clearly not moderating you posts which should be apparent to the causal reader (or I wouldn’t have allowed the last last several which have been particularly poisonous).
I mean, you should consider for a moment the ambiguity of your publishing your vicious accusations vs my strict standard of transparency in allowing your slanderous comments while fully appreciating that they are and will be forever, part of the permanent record, very possibly at my own personal and professional expense.
Just something to think about.
July 24th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
jd:
I completely agree with you that saving here and there over time enables purchase of cool things down the road. But I think your analogy in this instance is a bit off. Indeed, a better analogy re the ANWR situation might be purchasing a Lear jet or whatever and then getting a job at the 7/11 to pay for the upkeep. It just doesn’t work in the end, no matter how many 7/11 jobs one procures.
But your savings analogy raises another interesting point that goes over the heads of most conservatives. I think most of the folks on this blog can agree that our children, grandchildren and so on will be saddled with paying off enormous debt that we left for them. Correct? I find it extremely presumptuous and shortsighted, then, for us to think that we should be entitled to drill all the oil in sight so that we may live a less inconvenient life during our presence on this planet. Wouldn’t you agree?
Leaving our offspring with depleted or no energy resources and incredible debt is not a course of action that I am going to strive to affect. And neither should you!!!
July 24th, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Some liberties? This has been going on for years, and is not exclusive to myself. The entire diatribe you have made against me, which is provably false, has all the quality of hate speech.
You would be welcome to defend yourself from any statements, it not as if the statements aren’t true. That you won’t in any sense that matters, tells the story.
As much as you try to turn the card Cliff, it just won’t work. You just aren’t that good.
To be sure I was stunned when the girl took me into her confidence, which was right before she drop kicked you.
Meanwhile, the permanent record has great appeal. It is just wonderful.
July 24th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
You could solve the problem, you could ban me…but then you would have absolutely no conscience.
July 25th, 2008 at 2:10 am
Really, Cliffy? Who is it that you agree with 100% of the time? Is there really someone out there that you don’t have ANY disagreements with? I’m guessing that there’s a lot of hyperbole there. Have you ever considered trying to circumnavigate the globe in a balloon? You’re so full of hot air……
I voted for Bush, THREE times. I donated to his campaign once. Happy? Did that give you a little tingle?
Uh…no you didn’t. You blatently tried to ride their coattails to shore up your “credentials” and give your argument some gravitas. Instead, you simply illustrated how vapid your arguments are.
July 25th, 2008 at 10:55 am
JD Berger,
It is remarkable that you would use more words to characterize my intention than I actually wrote, without quoting the actual words, to support the following claim:
I would be pleased to consider your supporting evidence of this claim.
July 25th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
“I voted for bush THREE X, even sent some money. Wow, might be time to ‘lawyer-up’ cowboy.
Isn’t this administration an oh so wonderful faliure? The War? Aren’t republican voters and doners ever so mildly complicit in the crimes of the scum they supported? Just askin’.
July 25th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
My son, Ed Jr., is one of the most brilliant and kind people I know. But this is not reflected in his recent post. Deeply offending the substantial majority in this state by offensive crude language, and personal attacks, don’t bring people to the table to talk about the environment, peace, or anything else. Those of us who have been trying for decades to influence our community must be in the game for a lifetime. Lets keep our dialogue respectful and remember the common humanity that we all share.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:27 pm
Hi Ed:
Yup, a little over the line but, then again, some of the contributers at 1u just bring out the colorful within us!
Hope things are going well, my friend!
July 26th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Ed Sr.
Chill. If one can’t poke fun at the Uebermenschen of the NRA, who the hell is a legitimate target? Or was it one of my other posts you were reacting to? Yes, there are other posts. But, for the sake of your health, I don’t recommend your reading them. High doses of political incorrectness are definitely damaging to your health.
Anyway, it is the purpose of writing in general and of humorous writing in particular (which at least some of mine is) to shake people out of their complacence. Comic writers have been deliberately offending people since Aristophanes, our maculate master.
Jr.
July 26th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Ed Firmage said:
NOTHING will make the powerful in this state talk about the environment, peace, or anything else with people in Utah who don’t want us to be hated around the world for not caring a bit about who we kill for oil.
If the powerful in Utah want something, they take it and we give. That’s the way it works.
If they want machines to vote on that can be easily hacked, that’s what we get. If they want to take a couple of thousand dollars in campaign contributions to let Steven Creamer radiate us, so be it. If they want a Soccer stadium, they build it. If they want to confiscate somebody’s property because he sold a weed to somebody who wanted to buy it, let it be so.
Foul language doesn’t make any difference.
If somebody who doesn’t care about thousands of deaths or dismemberments for profit gets all wound up over the F word, that’s their problem, but it’s also OUR problem, and we’re fucking tired of it!
July 26th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Right O, Larry!
There is one solution to the ills in Utah, and that’s a great influx of East Coast Liberals!!
May it occur sooner than later!!
July 30th, 2008 at 1:07 am
They’ve done so much for the East Coast! Wheee!