Rep. Lynn Hemingway is proposing a bill that would create a two-track system of sex education in Utah schools – the first track the current “keep your knees together and pray” abstinence only and a new track of comprehensive sex education.

The problem – the major obstacle to meaningful reform of Utah sex education – is the bizarre dedication of so many Utahns to the notion that we have to teach abstinence. Consider this editorial from The Spectrum, published in St. George:

First and foremost, the best method of disease prevention and avoiding pregnancy is abstinence. It is the only surefire way to protect ourselves, whether we are children, young adults or the elderly. That point should be made over and over again in whatever curriculum is taught.

This obsessive focus on STIs and pregnancy – and the need to say “Never take off your knickers” – distorts any effort to discuss sexuality education. It also denies the reality of the sexual experience.

Steve Urquhart said:

Second comment re “advocate/encourage”: the intent of the language must remain — contraceptives education cannot undercut the abstinence focus of sex ed. The application of the language, though, needs to be clarified: it does not — nor was it intended to — prohibit factual education regarding contraceptive methods and devices.

Or consider this statement from the chair of the Vice Chair of the state Republicans:

Proponents of abstinence-only sex education maintain that this approach is superior to comprehensive sex education because it emphasizes teaching a morality that limits sex to that within the bounds of marriage and that physical relations outside of marriage and at a young age have heavy physical and emotional costs. They fear that comprehensive sex education encourages teen premarital sexual activity, in a time when HIV, other STDs and teen pregnancy are widespread. Teaching birth control in public schools sends the signal that teenage sex is alright.

Abstinence-only programs encourage teens to abstain from sex and don’t discuss contraception, except to point out failings. The program got its start in the 1996 welfare-overhaul law and was later expanded by the Republican-controlled Congress. Opponents to abstinence-only programs argue that it is unrealistic to believe that teens won’t have sex and that schools should teach that contraception is needed . . .

While you may hear Utah Democrats describe alarming rates of teen pregnancy and STD’s, they rarely mention that other states with comprehensive sex education programs still have higher rates than Utah. And don’t be fooled with the two-track approach that is being proposed to get a foot in the door.

Once that instruction is allowed in public schools, every kid will know exactly what is being taught – whether or not a parent has given consent for their student to attend. The mystery and intrigue that will surround “that other class” will completely undermine the abstinence-only message.

Notice that this editorial ends with the threat that even if parents want their kids to abstain from sex, the mere existence of a comprehensive program will undermine them; even the existence of a comprehensive program is dangerous in the world of abstinence only.

The focus on abstinence is not supported by the evidence and is purely ideological. It’s also important to understand that the language used to defend abstinence only education is very slippery. Abstinence only education is a public policy failure – it is a waste of resources and fails to produce the desired outcomes. When people say “abstinence works” they often fail to define what they mean by abstinence; for instance, can you be abstinent and go on dates? Can you be abstinent and make out? Can you be abstinent and make out naked? Can you be abstinent and have oral sex? How about anal sex? Can you masturbate regularly and still be considered abstinent? Can you get together with a group of friends and everyone masturbate but as long as you don’t touch someone else are you abstinent? Does being abstinent mean not dating, no going out, or going out only in groups where no one kisses or holds hand? These aren’t flippant questions – each and every one of these activities has been engaged in by teens who claim to be abstinent.

Proponents of abstinence only education deliberatley confuse the issue by claiming “abstinence works” and then making the jump to using abstinence only programs. They assume a connection where none actually exists. Abstinence – which can mean a wide range behaviors – does work. But, you have to define what you mean and you have to be prepared to actually talk about what you mean by abstinence. If the sole purpose is avoiding STIs and pregnancy, then things like mutual masturbation with no exchange of fluids are clearly permissible – of course I have a hard time imagining proponents of abstinence only being okay with that behavior. Pretending you can just “say no to sex” allows abstinence only advocates to dismiss all these ambiguities and avoid dealing with the messy details.

By using abstinence to elide the messy details of sexuality, proponents of abstinence only are not serving the needs of adolescents – they are participating in the tradition of silence about sexuality. I think it was author Kristen Lukens who described this tradition as “sacred silence” – the idea that sex and sexuality are sacred and precious and if we talk about them, we cheapen them and make them less meaningful. Silence around sexuality is a way of preserving their sacred value.

Abstinence only education is an unhappy compromise between the necessity of providing sexuality education and the desire to preserve the “sacred silence” about sexuality. Abstinence only attempts to not say anything about sex beyond the risks – “keep your knickers or you’ll get knocked up” – while also meeting the majority of Americans halfway on sex education.

From where I sit, this tradition of sacred silence is actually a tradition of toxic silence – a silence that sends the messgae that sexuality is shameful and dirty, that talking about sex is dangerous and degrading. This toxic silence serves to keep people ignorant of their bodies and how they work, it keeps people from openly and honestly learning about their sexual values and needs. It is a silence which assumes we all agree that sex is dirty and shameful and degrading. It strikes me as a profoundly adolescent response to sexuality – “Eww . . . icky.”

The success of abstinence only education is not about meeting the needs of adolescents but addressing the fears of adults. Adults are profoundly worried and fearful concerning adolecent sexuality; but focusing so tightly on the risks is as dangerous as failing to discuss sexuality at all.

Many people assume sex education is strictly about intercourse and about avoiding unplanned pregnancies and STIs. Comprehensive sexuality education includes those topics, but also a wide array of other topics – anatomy, gender, gender roles, gender identity, sexual orientation, dating and relationships, and parenting. Comprehensive, life-span age appropriate sexuality education is anathema to those who believe we must maintain “sacred silence” about sex.

A mature public discussion about sexuality education would actually engage the facts – which proponents of abstinence only would prefer not happen. The evidence against abstinence only is overwhelming and powerful; comprehensive programs, by contrast, work and work well to achieve our stated public policy ends. A mature public discussoin about sexuality education would acknowledge the discomfort adults feel when discussing adolescent sexuality but would also ask “What are the needs of adolescents for sexuality education and how can we most effectively meet those needs?” A mature discussion would recognize that many adolescents will ask their teachers things they would not ask their parents and rather than shy away from that reality, would find ways to provide adolescents a forum in which to ask their questions. A mature public discussion would involve adults deciding our embarrassment about sex is less crucial than the well being of young people.